“He healeth the broken in heart, And bindeth up their wounds.”
Psalm 147:3 KJV
“I forgive him/her, but I will deal with him/her with a long handle spoon.” “I forgive him/her, but I won’t ever forget what he/she did to me.”
I completely understand and empathize with these statements. When I say empathize, I mean I can absolutely relate. However, it doesn’t mean that when we make these statements, we are right, especially as Believers.
See those statements show someone is attempting to get over and heal, but they can’t truly forgive what was done. I know firsthand. I used to say them all the time regarding my daughter’s father. I wanted to appear to have “neutral” feelings toward him to make it seem like I wasn’t bothered by the offenses. For a long time, I couldn’t truly forgive his actions because I didn’t believe he deserved to be forgiven. When we think we have let something go or we believe we have gotten over something, our heart will tell us the truth solely based on our words or what we say. “…for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.” (Matthew 12:34 KJV)
Most of the time we feel like the offense was too severe to forgive. The only thing we want to see is justice/revenge take place. We want the other person to experience the same hurt or pain we experienced. However, we are not the keepers nor the person who renders justice, only God is.
We must accept the fact we were once vulnerable and open to the wrong ones. We allowed someone to come in, take advantage of us and/or take us for granted. Being vulnerable is not easy. Most of the time we equate vulnerability with weakness. It means you let down your walls/defenses and allow someone to see the innermost part of you. When you allow someone to see you vulnerable and they take you for granted or use your vulnerabilities against you, it does something to you. You become hardened. It turns you cold. Then all you can do is think about how you want to return the hurt/pain.
Can I tell you, you are the one who is in bondage? In this state of mind, you are so drunk with emotion, that being logical is out the window. Instead, you are completely engrossed with either getting them back or going to extreme measures to prove to them you are “just fine” without them. Again, can I tell you, you are the one who is being held hostage.
So I know you are thinking, how do you break this cycle? How do you genuinely forgive someone so you can heal? How do you get free? Simple. God, Jehovah-Rapha - God, the healer. I know you are thinking I already knew you were going to say that but with God, how?
The next 4 weeks, God has laid on my heart to talk about healing. Not because I am some healing guru. Not because I have some deep revelation others don’t. Simply because I am going to be transparent about my journey and how I got through in hopes that in return my testimony or the the steps I took with God leading, will help set you free.
So now I’m sure you are thinking okay so at least give us the first step! The first step in forgiveness and to begin healing is to make a conscious decision to forgive and to let it all go. Sounds simple right? It’s not simple at all because our mind and our soul which encompasses our emotions is so hard to control when we have been feeding our flesh. When I say feeding our flesh, I mean allowing our emotions to rule in our life. You have to surrender to God by submitting your emotions to Him, and make a decision/ have a made up mind you are going to forgive the person and genuinely and wholeheartedly, let it ALL go. Remember, you have to give it to God, he won’t just take it because God will NEVER do anything against “your will”.
So for the next week (7 days), pray and talk to God, daily, about your emotions and ask him to help you forgive.